Exploring the Connection Between Mental Health and Becker Muscular Dystrophy

Mental Health is something I have been struggling with since the death of my father at a young age. Bouts of depression, low mood and anxiety on a rather high level of the spectrum over many years. Seeing my father battle against cancer and his slow decline over 2 years and the parallels I can draw with my own decline, shocked me into becoming an adult at that young age and the mental scars that comes with a death of a loved one in some way contributed to my resilience later in life.

Living with a neuromuscular condition and my continued decline in mobility has created a very dark place within me, I try to avoid ending up in that place as much as possible but some days it just sits above you. I allow it to sit and acknowledge it but do not allow it to influence me but some days this is impossible.

Little reminders of what I used to be able to do, a random fall can make me begin to head towards the dark place but have to remind myself that, that's how I used to be and that I am a different person now, difficult to take but tends to pull me out of the downward spiral. Honestly, it is a loss like going through the stages of grief anger, sadness, denial, bargaining and finally acceptance. All though acceptance feels like a battle and a long road still to travel for me

Negative thoughts such as:

How can I carry on?

Am I a burden?

What kind of life can I have in a wheelchair?

Why has this happened to me?

These false thoughts such as thinking I am a burden, how can I have a life while in a wheelchair, and I will never have independence are all negative self-thoughts I have had and sometimes reoccur throughout the day. I have learnt to realise that these negative voices in my mind do not do me or anyone around me any good. You will find me grumpy and not very nice to be around if I have been dwelling on these negative thoughts for a while.

Most of these thoughts are not genuine I find myself more independent while using the wheelchair, granted it took me a while to finally accept that I needed it due to negative connotations associated with wheelchair users portrayed in the media and felt like I was giving up, taking a step back and accepting my fate.

Somehow I find myself taking every day as it comes, trying to remain in the present. Trying not to focus too much on the future or the past, accepting it for what it is. Unknown, the nature of the progression of Becker Muscular Dystrophy varies wildly from person to person, with no clear path to follow.

If you are struggling with your mental health please talk to someone a family member, a friend or an organisation such as:

C.A.L.M - 0800 585858

https://www.thecalmzone.net/

Samaritans - 116 123

https://www.samaritans.org/